Tweaked

I've started a new Bible Study with ladies from my local Mothers of Preschoolers group and ladies from my church. Stronger by Angela Thomas has opened some doors in my relationships with these women who I am so very thankful for and Angela's heart and soul and insight give my heart and soul and insight a refreshing tweak on some things that are dormant and weak. That combined with some other words of wisdom from Kristin Armstrong in Mile Markers I've been reworking some things on the inside.

Angela's tone of voice and her inflection and sweet,sweet spirit take ideas and make them come alive. I've had this happen with certain things over the years that I've read, or speakers I've heard. Jane Austen in high school with Pride and Prejudice, Michele Cushatt at the first Hearts at Home Conference I attended, CS Lewis's Mere Christianity, Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts. All these things left me feeling clean and new and with a shift in perspective.

Part of what I'm working on is taking my weaknesses, my shortfalls and giving them over to to God's strength. Don't let the exterior, shiny, happy, Sunday face fool you. I'm not as brave as I'd like to be, as secure in myself as I've ever wanted to be, and more critical of myself and extensions of myself than I ever should be.

Angela's point is that Our Weakness + God's Strength = God's Glory . When we take all of our failures and give them over to God's strength, He turns them around to His glory. The more we give Him of ourselves the more of His strength He can (and will) give us. 

The best part? This was only the first week. I'm so very excited to be tweaked by this woman of God who doesn't promise to fix my life in 20 easy steps, but instead, biblically and caringly lays out the truth of God's Word for me to rediscover, water to a dry soul.

Rough ReEntry

I've been trying to figure out where this summer will shake out. So far it's been bumpy, full of turbulence, and just enough dips and dives to keep us in our seats with our seat belts fastened.

The end of the school year is just what we all expect, full of big-deal awards ceremonies and everyday being a special day for some reason. Adam and I escaped the last few days by taking our own magical vacation to Disney World without the kids to "relax." Relax in quotes because it was spent with 10 hour days rushing from attraction to attraction and barely at all relaxing. But it refueled my husband, allowing him to be as goofy as he wanted and adding to his list of characters he has robot danced with.

Our plane ride home was not smooth, Adam and I squabbled, both worn out and coasting down from vacation highs, and there were storms outside causing a physically bumpy ride home as well.

It was definitely a great metaphor for what has been and what continues to be our summer.

The only thing that was keeping me afloat through those last few hectic days of school was flipping to the middle of July in my calendar to find the pages empty. I quickly filled them with lazy afternoons at the pool and Popsicles out on the patio.

Instead we've come home to Vacation Bible School, and tumbling, swim lessons and birthdays, play dates and doctor appointments. My desk is so crowded again that I had to arm shove things over to make room for the laptop just a few moments ago.

I'm discouraged by things that need left silent, and encouraged by so many others. It's a cloudy roller coaster of highs and lows, just like on that airplane. I'm a little unsure of where we are but I know I'm supported and kept flying by God's love and grace. I just have to blindly hope in that and somehow rest in that, while I continue to shuttle to and fro with the kids, with our schedules, with the open ended things I've been ignoring, and while jumping in and beginning new things.

Today I needed to write. I stole 10 minutes of the scheduled kids' school time and sent them out to play early so I could. Now I'm going to push post and crank up an upbeat Pandora station and move some stuff around on my desk  hoping to make a dent in it.  It's been a rough reentry into my life as I know it, but I should have expected it. Taking a break from life doesn't change it, but only makes you more aware of it. For better or worse, it's mine, so I'll take it and make it as joyful as I can.